Hello. Guess where I am at now? I am at home. Nothing change. Things are pretty much the same. The way it was when i left about a week ago. I was glad to see my dad. Awin was asleep when kak and i reached home. I'll get to see her tomorrow though.My darling fat sister.((:

She;s been really sweet you know. Sms-ing /Msn-ing me and kak, telling us she misses us and telling me she took my picture from my board cause she misses us too much. I seriously didn't know that beneath all that fats, is a whole load of sugary sweet person.(:

I'll go back to mami's place tomorrow and stay there for the night again. Cause, mak ngah and cousins and kak will be there anyway.Mami has been really pitiful and perhaps she's getting more and more self-conscious than she has ever been since she was suffered from mild stroke about 5 years back. She gets really jealous with whoever female non-related people who talked to my atok. And the past few days, it has got worst.Sigh. Mami, hang in there. All of us, will stand by you,including atok.I love you so much.

Frisbee tomorrow. 

I don't feel at peace but instead, the hatred grew deeper.

School is becoming more and more bearable but my resentment for food and nutrition is multiplying and i can't stop it from happening cause i have developed a huge lazy ass. Getting horrendous results for my focused test which i claimed would be easy since it was regarding Coursework B was the lat straw.I have to start making my step mama proud man.

Seriously, i am tired of listening to all the teachers go "Shafiqah is smart,but she's just damn lazy" , "Shafiqah can write very well, but she don't want only" , "Shafiqah is a potential distintion student, but at the rate she is going, she won't go anywhere."

Getting caught in the rain was of no help to sum up my tiring and not so horrible day. Sister fetched me at the 198 mami house bus stop and we shared an umbrella.We seemed like a perfect picture of perfect siblings.HAHAH.

I just don't understand a lot of things. The complications that takes place. And the amount of screaming that happened. I didn't mean to retaliate but it is not my fault. Is it fair when you did it for the rest of them but never do it for me.I offered to hang it out myself.Yet, you kept delaying it. That's beyond the point. 

As a little girl and up till now, I only wanted you to be proud of me.You should, you know. I never strayed.I never stayed out late. My dreams, are for you.I never exclude you from the future,cause in a way, you taught me values which you never practised.But i learnt.And i wanted to fulfill it because , i never hold things against you. I never care what you wanted to say about me, who you want to compare me with, or even your unreasonable ways.I put up with all of it,because thats just the way its been all these years.

I am not like other girls.I don't have piercings all over me.I don't harbour plans of having a tattoo.I don't smoke.I don't drink.And i definitely don't take drugs.I don't slit my wrists.I never do things i knew would make you unhappy.Because i know,you diapprove of them.I always returned after every tiff.I forgive, but i never forget.I remember every word you said to me,be it good or bad,I remembered all the pain you inflict on me.But i always forgive.I never held it against you.

I wanted to be the best,so you'll be proud.Proud for having me.Proud that im yours.But day by day, you getting more and more unreasonable.I can see through your act.I cannot put up with things that you say and do, cause it hurts. I am not the perfect child, but i tried to be, for you.

I am wrong though.In your eyes, i can never be good enough.And all that i do, is always wrong.That's why i now know, if i am going to do something, it wil never be for you. My mind is made up.I'll never let you affect my life anymore.You never cared enough. You never do enough.

This is it.I'll stop trying.I'll stop doing things for you.I certainly have had enough.

World,i give up.I can never match up.Im sorry.I really have lost every interests i had before.

I'm sorry.

The paternal side had a gathering at Cokme's place for some thingees.There was a doa selamat fo Iz, who's going to NS pretty soon.I realize I'm the shortest.=.=

Sometimes in life it takes principle to go the distance. I do envy things, people, couples.But its not the kind of envy, like die hard envy kinda thing.Like I want to be just like them. I lead a life which i'm happy with. yes, there might be some setbacks but whose life doesn't?I tell myself i want to do things which is not me, like add some random people from friendster who asked me to add them up in msn and stuffs like that, but I never got round to doing it, cause i'm never comfortable with adding random guys and chatting like old friends. My MSN, my cell number, my email, is a huge deal to me. I only give it to people i trust.And i think, i found it easier to trust girls.hhaha. I strongly believe that its best if everything is start from scartch.Build trust before graduating to MSN chatting and exchange number. I don't know.I find it hard to open up to new people. I don't have much to say unlike chatting with old friends. 
Like there is a familiarity, you know?Feeling me?I have a couple of incidences when i juststoped talking to a person when my number has been passed to another person.I trusted my number to a person beliving that they wont betray my turst.If i was of any importance and if they know, i am a friend, they won't just give it without my permission.

I am weird, just like that. I don't get uplifted by some people saying "hi.you've got nice smile.can i have ur number?" I am not playing hard to get.Just ignoring this type of people and make trust my first priority has always been my principle and it has stuck for a while now.And no doubt, it'll never go.My principle will never change.That's just the way it has been all these years. I dont easily trust a person, cause time have taught me not to.

If you ask any of my close friends, if i will go outwith just any guy, they'd say no.If you ask them, if i will give my number the first time you ask,assuming that you are a starnger, they'd say no.

I am just like that.Weird,i agree.I don't understand this post either.I'm sorry.

 I wasn't late, Zaima was. But she bought me a candy floss which was so freaking small compared to batams! Benci ah. i should have bought a year supply of candy floss from batam. we were late but we took our time and ate candy floss and laughing on the way to school Of course, Mdm Lim reprimanded us but we cooked up some stupid story. Cikgu Zubir, we are so sorry we said we went to see you. We'll make it up to you by continuing to top the class assignments. AHAH.Ampun cikgu, beribu-ribu ampun.Kami tidak sengaja.(:

And me,zaima,joyce just had to answer back to mr khan in a lot of ways.
Mr Khan: There's an objective for cca's you know.what do you think the objective is?
Me: we knew there's an objective.we were commited member of a cca that they close down.its their fault.
Mr khan: then you must learn to blend in with you new ccas?inculcate other talents.
Joyce: but we have no interst and whatsoever in this area.
Me: i thought the school has our best interest at heart. try putting yourself in our position.we were somebody for years and suddenly, we are just a nobody. how can you expect us to play and compete with people who've been doing this for years now?
 
he shut up and walk away. but i decided it isn't all that fun either to sit around and do nothing.
Me: MR KHAN! I WANT TO PLAY IN THE MATCH!(every week, theres always group matches and stuffs)
Him: you want to play?you?
Me:why?surprised?so am i.HAHAHA.

Today's frisbee isn't THAT bad.it was sort of fun.i took the long route back home. i sat in the top deck and memorised my speech day lines and i surprised myself by being able to do so in just 5 stops.actually, not much lines thats why boleh.hahahaha.

&& I MET AZHAR MIRZAN JUST NOW!!!!we hugged and we were talking soooooo much. i cant upload the pictures.)):

And got this stupid mats la who attracted attention and asked for my number,but i just looked away because merepek ah. then before they left, one of them said out loud "you got bike right?stupid sial who dont you" 

So he called me stupid. siallah. bike only.big deal ah. big deal.dafiqa and azhar was mad for me. hahaha. i of course had some things to say. Bike, so what?shallow minded people will still end up nowhere. i mean come on ah, if any of us want a biker or a bf with a bike, isnt thta just plain dumb? like a person for the bike?tell me, is that merepek or stupid?must be both.if i could, i would have rode the bike down his face. 

and the mean me said, "muke maplek.mcm tapai basi.suspect tkde cermin ah"

my posts are getting lenghtier, it shouldnt happen.and to stress, i love my bestfriend!